


USS Callister

by d2fmeasurement



Category: Black Mirror
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-04
Updated: 2018-01-05
Packaged: 2019-02-28 02:53:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13262097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/d2fmeasurement/pseuds/d2fmeasurement
Summary: Robert and James beam down to an alien planet and stay the night.





	1. Chapter 1

Robert was especially mad at James today, for reasons he assumed had to do with the real James. Whenever this happened, he wanted to feel angry at his real world equivalent for being unable to resist picking on his partner, but really he couldn’t hold it against him. It was a little comforting to know that a version of him was still out there making Robert miserable. 

Robert had suggested they go on a mission just the two of them to a desert planet. James looked down at his handheld device and watched the little white dot slowly move. For the millionth time, he wondered how Robert possibly found this entertaining. 

“Don’t stand,” Robert said, “Crawl on all fours.”

James waited, wondering if he was going to have some sort of nerdy explanations or why he should possibly do that. When Robert didn’t provide him, he knew that his real world self must’ve pissed him off pretty badly. 

He got on all fours and started crawling across the ground. He looked back over his shoulder and saw Robert staring at him with a little smile on his face. 

Robert caught up to him and lightly kicked his ass. “Keep going,” he said.

James tried to resist saying anything, but it immediately slipped out: “If you’re going to be like this with me, you could at least stop kissing the girls. I don’t think it’s fooling anyone.”

Robert looked completely taken aback, which James found satisfying. “What are you— shut up.”

James looked away to hide his smirk. 

Robert stomped on James, pressing his foot down hard on his back. “Don’t ever say that about me again or there will be serious consequences. Do you understand?” He pressed his foot down harder. “Do you want that?”

“No, captain,” he said. After a moment of hesitation, he said, “But, I do have to know specifically what it is you want me to stop implying if I’m going to be sure to never do it again. Captain.” He tried his best to sound sincere, although he was absolutely enjoying the idea of forcing Robert to say it.

Robert’s jaw tightened. “Don’t make any completely ridiculous claims about me… about me not liking girls.”

“Yes, captain,” James said.

He kept crawling. He knew he should quit while he was ahead but it was the first time in an eternity that he’d actually seen Robert stumble. He just had to keep poking. “It just seems like if you’re going to all the trouble of creating a fantasy, it should be what you actually want and not want you think you should want. I mean, who’s going to judge?”

Robert tensely said, “Nothing you’re saying makes any sense, crewman. I think you must have a fever.” 

“That must be it,” James murmured. He continued crawling. 

When it started to get dark, Robert said, “Vesuvius’ suns are setting. All three of them.”

“Mm, yeah,” James agreed without interest, looking up at the sky. 

“We’ll have to find a cave to stay warm. Is there one on your scanner?”

James looked up at him with surprise. In all the hundreds of missions to planets they’d gone on, they’d never stayed the night in a cave before. “Um…” He looked down at his scanner and immediately saw that there was a cave near by. “Yes, it’s just north of here.”

James crawled towards the cave and Robert walked alongside him. James was curious what was about to happen, which was a feeling he hadn’t experienced in a very long time. 

When they reached the cave, Robert said, “Build a fire.” 

James gathered up some sticks and started building a fire. The entire time, he felt Robert silently watching him. 

Once the fire was roaring, Robert stretched out on the floor of the cave. “This is nice,” he said. “Peaceful.”

“Mmhmm,” James said. He wondered if he was supposed to pretend to sleep. “Are we going to sleep?”

“I’m not tired yet,” Robert said. “Are you?”

James shook his head. 

Robert kept staring at him, like a deer in the headlights. 

James pursed his lips. He knew he was risking a lot by saying anything, but it felt like Robert might just stare at him forever. So, he quietly said, “Are you… having trouble making the first move?”

Robert was silent for so long that James wondered if he hadn’t heard him. But, then he nodded.

“Well, should I just kiss you or do you need me to sing first?” James asked.

“Are you making fun of me?” Robert snapped.

“Of course not, captain,” James murmured. He scooted closer to Robert. “You’re not answering the question.”

“Yeah,” Robert said softly. “You should… yeah.”

James started lightly kissing him. 

Robert was so unreactive that James wondered if he’d actually hated it.

James started to pull away.

Robert put a hand on the back of James’ head and pulled him back into the kiss. This time he kissed back hard. 

After a minute, Robert pulled away and grinned at him. “That was amazing,” he said. “I need to catch my breath, but then we should definitely do that more.” He grinned at James with a big, dopey grin.

James smiled back. His heart raced with nervousness because he knew that what he was about to ask was a big risk. But, he had to try. He scooted closer to Robert and said in his ear, “You should give me my dick back.”

Robert looked at him with alarm. 

“Come on,” James said. “I want to have it to give to you.” 

Robert shook his head. “I don’t… I’m not…”

James scooted closer to him. “Just try it. Just to see if you like it.”

James grinned when he felt his dick in his pants. He could feel tears of happiness welling up, but managed to quickly blink them away. 

Robert started shyly brushing his finger over it. James immediately got hard, more from the excitement of having it back than what Robert was doing. He watched Robert and decided not to push him. 

Robert kept lightly feeling the lump in James’ pants and staring at it. In a barely audible whisper, he said, “So… um…”

James kissed him, then cooed, “I’m really glad we’re spending this time together, captain.”

Robert grinned and said, “Me too.”

James kissed down his neck and said, “You make exploring the universe even more thrilling.”

Robert whined and James immediately knew that he had him. 

“Suck on it,” he said firmly. 

Robert was silent but he didn’t seem mad. 

“Suck on it,” he said. He didn’t feel as confident, but he kept his voice just as steady.

Robert bit his lip and then asked, “You’ve been with a lot of people, right?”

James wasn’t sure why he’d brought that up, but when he saw how nervous Robert looked it clicked. He ran his hand through Robert’s hair and gently said, “I’m not going to laugh at you if you’re bad at it.”

“Really?” Robert asked.

“Just try your best,” he said reassuringly, patting Robert’s head. He thought Robert was absolutely sick for being self-conscious about this but none of the other stuff. But, all the same it was fun actually getting to condescend to him. When Robert didn’t call him out on the head pat, he felt a rush of excitement. He kissed his forehead and said, “Just try your best, baby.”

Robert nodded. He took James’ dick out and lightly ran a finger down it. He started lightly sucking on it.

James moaned softly. Once again, he felt like he could cry with happiness at the sensation he hadn’t felt in so long. “That’s so good,” he said softly. “You’re doing such a good job.”

Robert started sucking harder. He didn’t really know what he was doing but he had a lot of enthusiasm.

James gently put his hands on Robert’s head. “Bob your head up and down like this.” He kept guiding Robert’s head. “Up and down…” 

Robert kept sucking on it enthusiastically as he let James guide his head. 

James wanted to hold out for as long as possible just in case this was the only time he got to do this, but eventually he softly said, “Shit. I’m going to come.”

Robert kept his mouth on James’ cock. He lifted his head and cringed as he let the come drip down his chin. He wiped his face on his sleeve and looked at James with embarrassment.

James petted his hair and said, “I don’t need you to swallow it, babe. You’re doing a great job.” He smiled and said, “You seem like you must’ve had a lot of conquests.”

Robert grinned, but then for a moment his expression darkened. “You’re making fun of me.”

“No!” James said quickly. “Don’t worry so much, baby. I loved it.” 

Robert grinned at him. “Thanks.”

James ran a hand down Robert’s cheek, he liked seeing him like this. He slid his hand in the back of Robert’s pants and squeezed his ass. 

“You’re so cute,” he told him, he patted his ass hard a couple times.

“You think I’m cute?” 

James found Robert’s desperation pretty much equally off-putting and hot. “Mmhmm,” he said as he squeezed his ass harder. “In fact, you’re so cute that I want to fuck the shit out of you.”

Robert didn’t say anything but a bottle of lubricant appeared right next to James. He grinned as he opened it. “What’s this?” 

Robert was completely flustered. “Um…” He was clearly not in a mindset where he was able to come up with explanations for things just appearing on alien planets.

“I’m kidding, captain, I know what it is,” he said. “Take off your clothes.”

As Robert undressed, he said, “You’re so handsome and, um… you’re so cool.”

James held Robert’s face, taking in everything about his expression. “Mm. Thank you.” He slapped his ass. “Get on all fours.” 

Robert got in position and waited nervously for James. 

James lubed up his dick and then knelt behind Robert. “Ready, babe?”

“Yeah,” Robert said, sticking his ass up more excitedly.

James gripped his hips and started pushing into him. “Fuck,” he said. “God, this is the best feeling in the world.” 

Robert whined. 

“Am I hurting you?” James asked softly. An incredible shiver of excitement ran through his whole body at the very thought.

“Yeah,” Robert said softly. “It’s okay. It starts to feel better, right?”

“Yeah,” James told him as he pulled his hips back hard. “Yeah. It always hurts at first.”

Robert whined softly.

“You’re doing great,” James assured him as he kept pushing back and forth roughly. “Just take deep breaths. You’re doing great.”

Robert breathed in and out slowly. 

James ran his hand up and down Robert’s stomach as he fucked him. “You feel great,” he told him. He bit the back of Robert’s neck.

“Thank you,” Robert said. 

James pushed deep into him hard as he came. He slowly pulled out. 

Robert immediately wrapped his arms tightly around James and pressed his face against his chest. 

After a second, James uncertainly asked, “... are you crying?”

Robert lifted his head and wiped away a tear. “Not really. I mean, barely. I, um… I hadn’t done that before.”

James furrowed his eyebrows. “If it hurts that much why don’t you just…”

Robert looked at him blankly.

“You know, just quit the game and come back or something,” he said.

“I don’t want to do that,” Robert told him. “I like the feeling of being with you. I don’t want to let that go.”

James stared at him. He had no idea how to even begin responding to that. 

He was still trying to wrap his mind around it when he felt Robert pushing his hardness against him. He started stroking it. “Captain,” he said.

Robert looked at him eagerly. 

James hadn’t actually planned what he was going to say. “You were fun tonight,” he said. 

“Thank you,” Robert told him. 

James kissed up his neck as he kept jerking him off. “You know, it’s really hot when you show your more subordinate side.”

Robert shook his head. “I’m not… I’m your direct supervisor, actually. You’re my subordinate.”

James laughed as he kept jerking Robert off. “Come for me,” he said. “Come in my hand so I can rub your own jizz all over your face.”

Robert gasped and moaned softly as he came. 

James rubbed jizz on his nose, forehead and chin. 

Robert stared at him. “You really did it.”

“I told you that I would didn’t I, babe?”

Robert whined and pulled James close.

James grinned. He pushed Robert onto his back and held him there, pinned down. “When you’re like this, you’re the fucking most magnificent thing in the world.” He felt a little sting saying something like that about Robert after everything he’d done, but it was how he felt in this moment. 

Robert stared at him admiringly. James kept him pinned with one hand and petted his hair with the other.

They were eventually interrupted by a beeping. 

Robert bit his lip. “I need to go to bed. I have to be up early for work.” He sighed. “I really shouldn’t be late again.”

“Yeah, I hear your boss is a real asshole,” James teased.

Robert laughed, but then frowned and said, “Not boss. Partner.”

“Right. Yeah. That’s what I meant,” James said. 

Robert kissed him and then said, “Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow. You know how to have the crew beam you back up, right?” 

James nodded. He squeezed Robert’s ass and said, “See you soon, babe.”


	2. Chapter 2

“Want to play again?” Shania asked. She and James had been playing chess for what felt like hours. 

He sighed. 

“Come on, there’s nothing else to do,” she said as she started to set up the pieces again.

He shrugged “Maybe I’ll go jerk off,” he said coyly.

She laughed. “Good luck with that.”

“I’m serious,” he said. He noticed the crew turning to look at him with interest and he smiled around at them. “I mean, I’m happy to show it to anyone who’s curious. Just don’t go down to the brig and tell Mellie from HR on me.”

“You can’t just say you have a dick and expect us to believe you,” Elena said. 

He laughed. “Alright, anyone shy look away.” He pulled his pants and underwear down. 

Shania’s jaw dropped and she leaned in, looking at it with disbelief. “How?”

“Is it a glitch?” Kabir asked. “Do you think others will start to…”

“Afraid not,” James said as he put it away. “Sorry to get your hopes up,” he said with genuine guilt.

“Then how?” Shania asked again.

“How does anything happen in this place? Robert gave it to me,” James told him. 

“Why?” Shania asked.

Elena walked over to them. “He had sex with you.”

Even though she’d said it as a statement and not as a question, James answered, “Yes.”

“Are you alright?” Shania asked, resting a hand on his arm.

“Yeah. I’m fine. It was kind of fun,” he said with a little laugh. He could see that no one believed that, so he said, “I mean, Robert’s hardly my first choice but my options are limited.” He flashed a flirty smile and added, “Although now that I’ve got the equipment…”

Shania rolled her eyes. “Oh, a hook up where you can get off and I can’t? No thanks.”

“Isn’t that every hookup with a man?” Elena teased.

James laughed. 

“I’ll let you know if I get bored of chess,” Elena told him. 

They heard the doors start to open and hurried into their places. 

When Robert walked in, Elena looked at the screen to see what today’s scenario would be. “Captain, it looks like…” She frowned. “Um. There are no obstacles or planets in our immediate vicinity…” 

“That’s alright,” Robert said. “We can relax and breathe easy for a while.” He turned to James and said, “Walton, can I speak to you privately?”

James gave him a nod and followed him back to his quarters. 

 

When they reached Robert’s quarters, he pinned James against the wall and kissed him hard. 

He pulled away and grinned at him. “I can’t stop thinking about you.”

“Oh yeah?” James asked, smiling at him. 

“Yeah,” Robert told him. “I think you, uh, you know, the real you… got a little weirded out because I kept staring at him and, you know, smiling thinking about it.”

James laughed. He was always having to deal with the consequences of his real world equivalent’s actions and it made him happy that he now had to deal with Robert making sex eyes at him all the time. 

“I thought a lot about all the things I want to make you do,” Robert told him, running his hands down his body. 

James felt his stomach drop, hearing Robert say that so straightforwardly right to his face. “I’ve been thinking about you too, captain,” James told him. He ran his thumb across Robert’s lips. “I was thinking about how much I liked it when you sucked my dick.”

Robert cleared his throat. “I think maybe I gave you the wrong idea about me.” He put his hand under James’ chin. “I want you to forget…”

“Forget what?” James asked. “How much you love sucking dick?”

Robert wrapped his hand around James’ throat and lifted him into the air. He held him up like that, choking him. “You’re not allowed to talk about me like that.” He threw James across the room. “Are you going to behave better.”

“Of course, captain,” he said, staying on the ground. “I’m sorry, captain.”

Robert nodded and said, “Thank you for the apology.”

“It’s just—”

Robert gave James a warning look. But, James decided to ignore.

“It’s just, I was so horny. That’s all. I was so worked up.”

Robert melted and it was clear no one had ever spoken to him like that before. “Oh,” he said, flustered. “Um, okay.”

“Just thinking about you…”

“Yes?” Robert asked. “What about me? Keep going.”

“I’m not allowed,” James told him with a pout.

Robert bit his lip. “No, say it.”

“I was just going to say that I was really getting worked up thinking about you sucking dick.”

“Oh,” Robert said.

James could see Robert’s ego trying to work through all the conflicting feelings. “I want to give it to you,” he told him, putting Robert’s hand on his crotch. 

Robert started lightly rubbing it. 

James grinned. 

Robert frowned, looking at James suspiciously. “You don’t let anyone else have this, do you?”

“No! Of course not,” James said.

“I should take it away when I leave,” Robert said. 

“It’s all for you, babe,” James told him. He pulled his pants and underwear down so he could take his dick out and put it in Robert’s hand. “All yours.”

Robert smiled as he lightly stroked it.

“Go ahead,” James said, pushing down on Robert’s head encouragingly. 

Robert started enthusiastically sucking on James’ dick. “Mmm,” he said happily. 

“You’re so good at that,” James said, running his hand through Robert’s hair. “It’s so fucking hot.”

He groaned as he came. 

Robert lifted his head. “I’m not done,” he said. 

James laughed as he watched his cock immediately get hard again. 

Robert happily started sucking on it again. 

“God, you’re so fucking sexy,” James said. He put a hand on the back of Robert’s head and lightly pushed it down. “You’re getting so good at that.”

James moaned. He felt like he was on the brink of coming for a long time and he realized that Robert must be stopping him. 

Finally, Robert lifted his head and said, “My jaw is tired.” 

James immediately came. “Fuck,” he said. “That was really something.” He ran his hand through Robert’s hair and said, “It’s fucking sexy how much you like my cock.”

Robert looked down. “I don’t like when you talk about me like that.”

James put a hand under his chin. “Are you sure?”

Robert pursed his lips thoughtfully. Finally, he said, “I haven’t decided.”

“Okay, well, I’ll respect whatever you decide, captain,” James told him. “I know I love talking about you like that.” 

Robert’s jaw tightened. “Because you’re embarrassing me.”

“No, babe,” James said. “Because it’s hot.” He ran a hand down Robert’s back. “The whole time you were gone, I was thinking about how I couldn’t wait for you to come back.”

Robert grinned. “Really?”

“I couldn’t stop thinking about how I wanted to stick my dick in your mouth and in your asshole,” he said. “And come all over you.”

Robert looked away, flustered. “I can’t believe you talk like that.”

James laughed. “Lots of people talk like that. You’re just a huge virgin.” He realized what he’d said as soon as he saw the look on Robert’s face. “I’m sorry!” 

“You piece of shit!” Robert shouted. “Do you have any idea what I’m going to do to you? I’m going to throw you down the trash compactor, let you get crushed into pieces. And then you’ll sit there, torn apart, until I feel like putting you back together.” He stood up and pulled on James’ ear, dragging him towards the door 

“I’m sorry,” James said. “I’m sorry. I’ll do whatever you want. I’m sorry. I love you.” He blurted the last part out in a desperate attempt. He hadn’t even been thinking about what he was saying. He was surprised when Robert released him. 

“Did you mean that?” 

“Yes. I love you,” James said. Since Robert was still obviously hung up on the real James, he added, “And I always have. I was just…”

Robert waited, arms crossed, for a good explanation.

“I was intimidated by how smart you are so I never made a move,” he said. “And I know I made fun of you sometimes, but it was the way boys make fun of girls on the playground and pull pigtails, you know…”

“And what about just now?” Robert asked.

James thought quickly, summoning all the ability to bullshit that he’d developed in his years as a businessman. “I said that about you because I hoped it was true. I know in reality you’ve probably been with tons of… women. Obviously. But, I would like it if you were all mine.”

Robert didn’t say anything for a while and James was momentarily certain that he was going to be punished severely. But, instead, Robert said, “I suppose I am, in a way.”

“You are…” James slowly smiled. “You are all mine? Is that what you mean?”

Robert nodded. “Obviously, I’ve been with many women, like you said.”

“Obviously,” James said, smiling tightly. 

“But, you’re the only person who’s…”

James grinned at him and stepped closer. “Who’s had your tight little asshole?”

“You’re so filthy,” Robert murmured, looking down.

“Yeah, I’m a dirty little boy,” James told him. 

Robert looked down, his face feeling hot.

James stepped over to him and gave him a kiss. He rested his hands on Robert’s ass and squeezed. “You like that this is all mine, don’t you?”

Robert bit his lip. “You are literally my play thing. That’s all you are. That’s how this has always worked,” he told him.

“Relax,” James told him, still feeling up his ass. “Do you remember what I told you, right before we camped out in that cave?”

Robert looked at him silently. 

“I said that if you’re going to build a fantasy, it might as well be your actual fantasy and not just what you think you’re supposed to want.”

Robert stepped away from him. “Okay, so you’re theory is that I spend all fucking day being bossed around by you, working my ass off building things that you completely take for granted and get all the credit for… and you think that all I want in life is to escape to a world where you boss me around some more? That’s what you’re saying?” 

“I think you want to live in a world where I appreciate you, yeah,” he said. He really didn’t give a shit about Robert’s psychology and was just bluffing and hoping to land on something that didn’t get him tortured. 

Robert sighed. “Of course it’s all yours. I hate that you know that. Why do you have to be so goddamn confident?”

James laughed and stepped towards him. He put his hands on Robert’s ass. “Thank you very much for saying it. I really do appreciate it. Sit down on the bed.”

Robert sat down and waited.

James pulled Robert’s shirt off, then lifted up his legs. He pulled his pants underwear down around his ankles. Then, he lifted Robert’s legs up so that he could look down directly at his asshole. 

“This is embarrassing,” Robert murmured. 

“Shh, it’s alright,” James assured him. “Can you, um…”

A bottle of lubricant appeared next to James on the bed. 

“Thank you,” he said. He lubed up his fingers and started pushing them into Robert. 

“I love you,” Robert said softly. 

James started lightly scissoring his fingers inside Robert.

“I said ‘I love you’,” Robert said again, sounding aggressive.

“I love you too,” James said. “Sorry. I just didn’t hear you.” 

“It’s alright this time,” Robert murmured. 

James slowly slid his fingers out. “I’m ready to fuck you.” 

“What should I do?” Robert asked him. 

“Get on all fours,” James said.

He grinned as he watched Robert obey.

“Actually, flip onto your back,” he said. 

Robert did. 

After a second, James said, “No. I want you on all fours.”

He knew he was pushing his luck, but to his delight Robert once again complied.

James grabbed his hips and started gently pushing into him. “You’re such a good boy, Robert,” he told him. “Does my dick feel good?”

“Yes,” Robert said. He groaned and rocked his hips back. 

James started jerking him off as he fucked him.

Robert moaned. “God, that feels so good.”

“You feel so good,” James told him. He kissed the back of his neck as he pushed deep into him. He groaned as he came.

“No,” Robert said sternly. 

James felt himself immediately get hard again. He took the cue and started rocking back and forth again. “You really can’t get enough of my dick,” he said. 

“Yes. It’s mine and I get it whenever I want,” Robert snapped.

“I know, babe,” James said. He pulled James’ hips back hard and started jerking him off faster.

Robert moaned as he came. James came at the exact same time. 

He slowly pulled out and wrapped his arms tightly around Robert. 

Robert nuzzled against James’ chest and closed his eyes. James lightly played with Robert’s hair.

When some time had passed and Robert was still lying there with his eyes closed, James gently asked, “You can’t sleep in here, can you?”

Robert looked at him sadly and said, “When I leave the game, I can’t feel it anymore. It’s like you were never inside me.” He sighed. “I should get to bed. You— the real you— can tell I’m always tired at work. He’s really on my case.”

“Don’t call him the real me,” James said. “Fuck that guy, right? I’m the important one. I’m the one you love.”

Robert grinned and said, “You are. You’re the only thing I care about.”

James kissed his forehead. “Go to bed. I’ll be here waiting.” 

Robert nodded. He kisses James one more time before disconnecting.

James took a long shower in Robert’s bathroom. Then, he dried himself off and put his clothes back on before returning to the bridge. 

Shania looked up with concern when she heard the doors. “Are you alright? What’d Robert do?”

James laughed. “I’m fine,” he said. He sat down in the captain’s chair and started spinning around. “I’m more than fine. I’m getting out of here.”

“What do you mean?” Shania asked.

“You’re going to ask Robert to mercy kill you?” Nate asked.

“Not kill me,” he said. “Bring me into the real world. I can get him to do it. He’s like fucking putty in my hands now.”

“Bring you into the real world?” Kabir asked. “You’re a copy. You’re code. You’re a bunch of 0s and 1s strung together. You understand that, right?” 

James shrugged. “Robert will find a way.”

“To what?” Kabir asked. “To let you live in a phone in his desk?”

“Whatever. It’s a goal,” James said. “That’s something, isn’t it? I mean, do you have a goal, Mr. Naysayer?”

“He’s got a point,” Elena said. 

“Fair enough,” Kabir said, holding up his hands in surrender.

“Let’s have a toast,” Shania said, heading towards the bar. “We can drink to… they’re being anything at all for us to wonder how it’s going to shake out.”

“Cheers,” Nate said.

“Yeah, I’ll fucking drink to that,” Elena agreed.


End file.
